A DIFFICULT CHAPTER FOR ME IN MOTHERHOOD

So just hours after I got home from the hospital I was quite unsure how to tackle this next chapter of my life. Yes I know I will get though it; but how to get though it in the best way- I was quite unsure of. I was not allowed to pick Aliza up for a few weeks and this was so foreign to her. She truly loved this 'new little blue thing" mommy and daddy brought home but she didn't like giving up her lap and what was this 20 min of what they called nursing the baby where mom was off limits? She walked around crying "Maa-maaa!" and signing please by patting her chest. With pink dotted face and red eyes she followed mommy around crying the same thing over and over. It truly has been the hardest thing in my mommy-hood experience. I truly have trained my children "wrong" (if you will) for this current situation to work well. I love holding my babies and I feel if you enjoy this and you are the type of mom who loves holding your babies and working with them in one arm or the sling.. then there is nothing wrong with that but it is not an easy thing to deal with when another baby comes along before the other one enjoys her independence.

    There was a time when Josie needed to be corrected and she was throwing a bit of a hysteric on the bed at my Brother Cody's house.. Aliza needed a nap and just got a spankin for climbing out of the near by pack -n-play and Cooper had a burp or a toot or something and screaming at the top of his lungs in our arms- Dan and I just looked at each other and burst into laughter because it was so overwhelming. Words were useless because it was so incredibly loud with the trio of cries.

Aliza has recently learned to say "L-L-LAP'!" and she tries to climb on still while I am nursing. She manages to find one bit of unoccupied knee and sits there very uncomfortably until I am done then I hold them both.

I feel like this didn't not say what I first intened it to say.. and there are many typos.. but I truely have had one of those difficult days. Dan took Aliza on errands and she feel asleep 5 or 10 min before he got her home to take her nap..(she refused to take any more of a nap)  Cooper seemed to not sleep more than 1/2 hour or 45 min at a time and I am exausted and will go to bed tonight with concerns that:

Xander will not have his memory work memorized for CC on Mon.

We should have gotten more math done so we can return the math book we need to give back to a friend, Josie should have read more in Dick and Jane and I need to teach her Phonograms, 

I have no idea what everyone will wear for church tomorrow,

Am I eating enough or was Cooper hungry cause I am trying to cut calories and had thin milk?

Would really like to organize the mess clutter Christmas stuff in the basement!

IT sure would be fun to get the kids a surprise made for valentines day, and finish off Aliza's Scrap book! (shoot I need to download pictures to ritz so dan can pic them up.) ..

but come tomorrow- we might just have to focus on getting through that day... we might rock a bye with one baby on one lap, and the other baby on the other lap, and sing "nigh nigh Boo Boo, nigh nigh Liza" over about 97 times tomorrow. Watch a Veggie Tale and try to teach reading or math with knee a-bouncin' and babies a-fussin'.. BUT When 11 pm comes and I go REcover all those little limbs and see that thumb in her mouth, give my Cooper his midnight feed, and he gives me that big, sleepy, enormous burp it will seem like such a small price. I know that I will fall into bed with an exausted smile on my face knowing that I did NOT do a perfect job at motherhood but it was the best I could do that day.

The last picture was taken just hours after we got home and Cooper was about 30 hours old. I literaly took my baby who needed nursing and my baby who was so hurt that my lap was occupied and sat and wondered to myself, "how is this going to work?"

The middle picture is when he was about 1 month old. and I am feeling a bit more hopeful.. and the last was just recently... Where I am to the point where I still don't have the answers .. i still am not sure I would have raised aliza any different if given the chance .. but I know we will be OK!